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Forgive but never forget

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forgive but never forget

Having moved from one foster home to the other I had to learn how to survive. I had to blend in and put up with all the bad behavior their kids were involved in so they would like me. I was learning real quick on times to be there and those to make myself scarce. Once I heard their mother utter blatantly that before I came stuff didn’t disappear. So I became the alibi. I had to timestamp all my activities throughout the day. I didn’t ask for much just a few slices of bread. My biological parents had been fighting for way too long. Don’t get it twisted they were not boxers or wrestlers just two love birds who were caught up in a moment and so my rich relatives took me in each for a couple of years and then gave me up as if I was a baton in a relay race.

I didn’t have much but at least I had my Bible, Jesus could sometimes talk to me and tell me that I was not alone, or so I would think. In my lonely, I laughed at my own jokes, wrote poems to my future wife who fast forward to 25 would change my life. There were those days I convinced myself to smile even when I felt like screaming, my sheets had heard it all, at least they wiped my tears, they covered my fears. Poetry started becoming my thing, fake it till you make it was my motto and most times when I wrote rhymes I would feel immortal.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, I hadn’t lived long but the longer I’d lived made me realize that there were so many things in life to live for. So I turned my depression to humor at least made a few people laugh and that made me happy. Most times though I would find myself in trouble. I  changed my identity into this cool boy that everyone wanted to be around. My lie started becoming my life and I lived it every day for twenty years until I met this amazing girl who I had to take home to meet my parents, and it hit me that I needed someone to help me carry this burden. I had been carrying it for way too long.

Now I came to full circle that no matter how many people you meet in your lifetime, it only takes one to change your life. She was the type of girls you see on television. She had quite the perfection. Later I would come to learn that she actually had no parents. Ever read the story of The girl in the sea? .In an ocean full of sharks yet she was afraid of a bunch of men swimming by. Isn’t that society though?. Speaking to her in a conversation she told me to look for mine while I still can for there is no promise tomorrow. Those words cut through me and put me in a deep sense of thought. She was God sent.

I learned how to accept who I was and stopped running from my fears. Going back home after 20 years isn’t that easy but I had to for my own sake.It was through the forgiveness of the man who bartered my mother every day that I found closure. Ever heard the story of the Rwandan genocide, I saw some inscriptions say ‘we forgive but we will never forget’ as a constant reminder of their worst nightmare. What needs to be done has to be done.it was through sharing my story that I got to understand that all we need is that someone who will change your life, be that someone.

The world is burning but no one seems to be on the run.No one will change the world even if we keep on waiting,  it is up to you.

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